just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
