is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
