Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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