White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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