Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
