My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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