my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
