so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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