Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
