their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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