I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
