i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize