Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
