too bad you live with your parents still
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
