I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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