my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
