hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
