I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
