If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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