we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
