yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
