i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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