We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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