I skipped work to stalk him.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
