Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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