Plan B is the new Plan A
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
