I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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