I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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