Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
