I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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