i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
