wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
