video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize