Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
