The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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