We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
