I smell stomach acid.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
