Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
