The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
