I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
