Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
