I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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