you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
