You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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