weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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