My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Also, beer. Big fan.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
