and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize