i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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