It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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