When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This baby is an asshole
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
