dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
