I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
