oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
