the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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