Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i love accidental penises.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
