forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
