My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize