omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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