Non-Jews are for practice
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
