my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
