There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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