the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
