Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
