you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize