She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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