I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
