A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
