just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
