WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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