she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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