I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
